What Your Foster Child’s Words Really Mean

I am your foster child.  Sometimes I say things that confuse you.  Let me help you understand.

When I say “I don’t care”:  Well, I do care, very much, but I’m afraid to say so because I don’t think what I want matters.  So, when you ask me if I want to do something or even what I want for dinner, I may just brush you off by telling you I don’t care.  Just remember that I do care and like that you ask my opinion on things.  Even if I won’t share it with you yet.

When I say “I’m stupid”:  I may have moved around a lot and been to many different schools.  It’s hard to keep up.  And, it’s hard to learn when you’re worried most of the time.  I’ve never been in a stable situation long enough to concentrate in school.  So, I think that I can’t learn and that I must be stupid.

When I say “I hate you”:  This is a tricky one.  It can mean lots of different things, but probably not that I hate you.  I miss my birth family and worry that they’ll be mad if I say I care about you.  I worry that I might have to leave here at any time.  So, I better not get too close to you.

When I say “I want to go to a different foster home now”:  Remember that in my experience, when things get tough, you have to leave your family.  So, if I think I’m on thin ice in your home, I might as well live with another family.  If it’s going to happen anyway, at least I might be able to control when I leave.  Or, I might be feeling closer to your family and this scares me.  Going to another family feels like a way to protect myself from those scary feelings.

As you get to know me, some of the things I say will make more sense to you.  And, as I feel more comfortable with you, I may be able to share how I really feel with you.  Please be patient with me.

Written by Diane Kindler