As a foster parent, it can be easy to fall into the belief that all of our time, attention, and emotional energy should be focused on your children. After all, their needs are great: they may be recovering from trauma, they may have special needs, and at the very least they will need lots of support to feel comfortable and accepted in a new household. At the end of a long day, it can be easy for foster parents to forget to take care of themselves.
But there is good reason to strive for balance. After all, healthy families are created when all family members, adults and children alike, feel listened to, loved, and taken care of. It may be difficult, but as a parent it is extremely important to ask for the space, time and opportunity to care for yourself.
One way to start is by building your support system. Talking with friends, family or professionals will allow you to express any powerful emotions, such as frustration, sadness or fear, before they build into stress that can affect your health. Friends and family can also provide concrete support, such as watching your children when you want to take some time to get a haircut, do some fun shopping, or visit with friends. Don’t be afraid to ask!
Even during the busiest days, taking care of yourself can be as easy as actively seeking out moments of joy. Download some of your favorite songs to your smart phone and listen to them in the car when driving between errands and appointments. Turn a grocery store run into a scavenger hunt for your kids, making up silly clues along the way. Throw a dance party in your living room. Keep a book by your bedside and read a page of two before going to sleep. Incorporating positive times into your routine will be easier if you start with the little things.
Foster parents deserve to take time for themselves. Nurturing and caring for a foster child can be some of the most demanding and worthy work that anyone can do. Building care for yourself into your life will teach your children the importance of the cultivation of joy, respect for one’s self, and setting limits so that the family works for everyone. It can be easy to forget how much our children learn from the examples that we set for them. Make sure you set an example by taking care of yourself.