Birth Children and Foster Children – How Do They Mix?

One concern voiced by many prospective foster parents is, “How will my [biological] children adjust to having another child in my home?”  The answers are as varied as the children themselves, but here are a few insights offered by a Plummer foster parent and an adult who grew up with foster siblings.

Terri was a foster aunt to her sister’s foster children for 20 years before becoming a foster parent herself, three years ago.

“Having another kid around seemed like second nature,” she remembers.  “I have three teenagers of my own – 13, 17 and 19 years old.  They have been a wonderful help in this journey we embarked on as a team; it was actually their encouragement that got me started fostering.”

Terri’s first placement was an emergency. Ordinarily, there is a time of transition when a child may be introduced to a foster family through a gradual process – meetings with a social worker, visits that become more frequent and then overnight stays.  This was not the case for Terri and her family.

“A social worker called, I answered and three hours later they were introducing us to an 8-year-old boy,” recalls Terri.  “I often think our introduction [to fostering] was better that way.  He was the youngest kid in the house and I believe that was the best way for us to begin.  My kids got to be the big brothers and sister and we were able to give him individual and family attention.”

That didn’t mean it was smooth sailing every day. Because her foster son was younger and required attention, Terri’s teens sometimes felt jealous.

“But thorough explanations, examples and details about why I had to do x, y and z more than made the difference,” explains Terri.

Offering a child’s perspective, Greg D. was 10 years old when his parents took in their first foster youth – a teenage girl.

“I remember Mom took her [foster daughter] shopping for clothes and we were jealous,” he admits.

When he and his sisters complained, their mother explained why she and Greg’s father became foster parents.

“Kids who can’t live with their own families need to feel safe and loved. We have a lot of love in our family. By sharing it, maybe we can help make a difference.”

Over time, Greg and his sisters learned that sharing their parents’ love and affection didn’t have to take anything away from them.

Greg laughs, “Eventually, I really didn’t mind sharing my bedroom!”

Terri sums up her family’s experience:

“We had bad days and good days, like everyone, but one of the things that made it all work was that there was never any separation.  My foster kids are only that on paper.  I treat them just like I treat my own kids, which has made a world of difference.  This is why I can say the experience has been very positive.”

Although this blog includes the perspectives of just two families, the importance of honest communication is key for any prospective foster parent who already has children.  Professionals can help guide you in understanding your children’s feelings and addressing your family dynamics successfully, so that everyone realizes how important and rewarding fostering can be. For more information, call Plummer Foster Care 978-935-9555 today or fill out the short application on our foster care page.  No obligation – just information!